Welcome to the exit.
Please leave your hat at the rack and your brain at the door.
You are now entering a productive state of mind.
Pass your entire luggage at the counter to check for x-ray vision.
Open up and say ahh to the man with the big dipstick.
The search for clean underwear and dirty socks continues.
Eject all watches and find something or someone.
Cleanse all metaphors and dowse all belongings in acid.
Do not be alarmed: sniffing dogs will be pleased to check out your crotch.
A metal detector will now pass through your whole system.
The doctor will sew you now.
Remove all metal objects and place them in the metal plate embedded in your skull as the result of an accident which split your head in half.
If the detector beeps or blinks, step back and remove all of your appendages, and try once again.
Take off all fake eyes, false teeth, naked inhibitions, and unwanted aspirations.
A tour guide will direct you and see to it that you choke.
An elevated platform will take you places as you board the bus to the waiting taxicab.
Climb up the moving stairs, or exhalator as it is called in some cultures or countries.
Seats will greet you with welcome armchairs.
Place your heavy carriage outside the upstair compartments.
Trying to close the plastic doorway may result in freaking accidental injuries and/or coma.
Take a seat, take a bow, take care.
Adjust your seat belt and belt out when it is too tight to strangle your vocal cords.
Happy stewardesses will only be too glad to help you out of your misery.
The pilot is speaking, place your “who gives a crap” attitude beside the intercom.
The whole flight will, hopefully, frighten you to boredom.
We hope you brought a good book. We also hope you know how to read.
Blankets, although unnecessary, will be provided, yet paid for at the cashier.
Alcoholic drinks will strictly be downed a few minutes before takeoff.
The in-flight movie will be forfeited.
Occupy the nearest row adjacent to the rusty escape hatch.
When all else fails, try rowing.
A blinking light prohibits smoking. Don’t let it stop you.
Occupied lavatories are full of disgusting, unspeakable horrors.
Turbulence may be encountered; avoid like the plague.
Snacks may be served, but hanging is preferable.
The descent or plunge will be bad for those with heart problems. We hope you have a pretty ex.
The landing is off; prepare for funeral tidings.
Thank you for using us. Have a good one.
